She's zinged me lately. First trimester death-march. Winter colds. Unborn baby with a muscle/joint disorder. Poor husband working 13 hour days and most weekends (salaried).
Yesterday was a bit of a doozy, for no real reason in particular. But in the exquisite chaos (read: urine collection in my fridge, a 4-year old who likes to use his angry voice, and a house that, well, I just gave up picking stuff up) there was also exquisite beauty. How else can you explain the loveliness of staring into the faces of your kids as you play Legos with them? That's the kinda FaceTime I'm talkin' 'bout, folks.
And yet, even so, I ended the day with hot tears of frustration making me blink hard before they finally boiled over.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Or complaining. I try hard not to give in to either one of those twin vices. Instead, times like this make me think a lot. And go in search of reading-type things that help me make sense of some of this craziness.
Among the things I read today, was this: "The Apostle Paul stated, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin
which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race
that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1). The race that is set before us on this earth is an endurance race
filled with obstacles. The obstacles in this race are the challenges we
wake up to each morning. We are here on earth to run the race, to
exercise our moral agency, and to choose between right and wrong. In
order to honorably and successfully finish the race and return to our
Heavenly Father, we will need to pay the price of dedication,
perseverance, and self-discipline. We need to get into spiritual shape.
We need to develop spiritual stamina. We need strong testimonies that
will lead to true conversion, and as a result we will find within
ourselves the inner peace and strength needed to endure whatever
challenges we may face."
Which got me thinking "what kinds of things am I trying to carry with me on this race of mine?" The immediate mental responses: Fear. Worry. Judgment. Impatience. Self-justification.
Holy crap! No wonder I feel heavy-laden. Add to that the fact that my spiritual stamina and strength are nowhere near their peak performance... and you might begin to see my trouble.
I guess I relate to this because I am an (erstwhile) runner. And also the type of runner who has her collection of trappings on every run: iPod, watch, water... and who thinks those who run without anything are sort of possibly nuts.
But, man alive if I don't find relief in the thought that when the Life trappings I'm trying to carry around with me on this long-distance race get too heavy to keep going, I can just lay them aside. Lay them aside and carry on.
Which is exactly what I will (and must) do.
[Title quote is from "Up"]
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