Wednesday, March 2, 2011

"You hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability..."

Let’s go back in time, shall we? January 2007. Four years ago. My world had just been flipped on its head. And then? A thin line of silver in my hair caught my eye. My first gray hair! I gaped as my finger worked to isolate the single gray line from the rest. Even as I took my tweezers and plucked that silvery strand from my mane, my own inevitability began a staring contest with me. It won.

Inevitability always wins.

Just yesterday I spied with my little eye two silver lines in my mane, tucked so deeply into my slicked back ponytail that no amount of tweezering would help without messing it up and making me start all over again and, honestly, who has the time?

{And then there was the day last week when I lost my last baby tooth and had to grow up for real.}

And then, while washing and drying my hands at work, I got to thinking about the female winner of the recent marathon in my city and somehow it stuck in my mind that she is 39. Then out of nowhere, I was broadsided by the fact that I am 34, which, you know, mathematically speaking, is only 5 years away from 39!

Such thoughts can cause a full-scale tailspin, the likes of which are rarely seen around these parts. Symptoms include mild hysteria, panic attacks, and brown-bag breathing, followed by deep deep contemplation about Important Things. {Like how the hand soap I just washed with and was now smelling on my hands – Twisted Peppermint – would likely cause my sister to gag because that’s just what happens ever since they used peppermint flavored whateveritis during her ear tube surgery when she was a kid.}

Oh, yeah, and also things like Inevitability.

And, mayhaps, it shall come to pass that while standing there sniffing your minty-smelling digits, you may just get this swelling in your being and suddenly feel on the verge of Something Very Big.

It happened to me! I felt like Very Big and Important Things are coming my way and I need to be prepared. And then I thought, “Wait! Is this just ‘cause I’m buying a house?” And I answered myself, somewhat exasperatedly, “This is NOT just because you are buying a house!”

I thought back to a recent conversation with M about how our last five-year plan is now expired by a year, give or take, and how we need a new one. We briefly named off the major things we expect to occur in the next five years.

Then we launched into a querying and circular quandary over whether we are possibly the only people we know who actually still make five-year plans? (Perhaps that’s because they have a communist history?) {Five-year plans speak to our order-craving souls in calm and soothing overtones is all I have to say about that.}

And later, whilst en route to pick up my getting-bigger-every-day 15 month old, I listed to Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head (another symptom of aforementioned tailspin?) and turned at least five more shades of contemplative and wondering what, for the love of mustard, does it all really mean?

A few weeks ago (a month ago now?!) I read an article. 20 questions that could change your life. It's really good and I have re-read it several times since. {What I am saying is that you should read it too.} I have gotten to thinking and considering that perhaps the reading of that article circa January 2011 is the origin of all my deepest thinking theresince? And why I am so darkly contemplative that I am hardly recognizable?

For instance, did you know that a week from today is Ash Wednesday?

I did. Because I have something planned that should allow me to spend some quality time with that 20 questions list. And with my new five-year plan. We are going to get all up front and personal over here! We're going to get on a first-name basis and be BFFs and bedfellows and whatnot.

I am so excited, it borders on insanity.

Which, as it turns out, might just be the real inevitability?

[Title quote is from "The Matrix"]

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