Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"Well, why not? I'm not young, I'm not new, and everyone laughs at me. I'm quite aware of how ridiculous I am. I've been thinking that the only solution is to go where no one is ridiculous and everyone is equal."

I lay there in the still-dark hours of this morning, somewhere in the nebula between sleep and wakefulness, thinking about this poor blog.  Thinking about how some of the more neglected "features" of this blog should probably be deleted.  Thinking about how I should post something, maybe anything. And then I gave up and tried to go back to sleep. Finally, that trick worked. 

But then my kid woke up crying, which means he had a bad dream.  Then he went back to sleep, then promptly woke up again.  Before 7 a.m.

And that is how the day started.

After what passed for breakfast (Kidz Bar for him and banana bread for me), I looked at the weather station in our kitchen and it gave a reading of a balmy 80 degrees.  Good time for my kid to get some outside play in the shade while I watched him through the window and folded some laundry.

That is, until I followed him out the door to hunt down his elusive spray bottle (not outside!) and locked us out of the house.  He was dressed for the day.  I was. . . not.  I was wearing only underwear and flip flops.  No keys.  No phone.  Nada.  And the only possible way back into the house was through the garage.  In the front of the house.

So, I did what any eleventy-month pregnant woman would do: I improvised.  I grabbed my kid's sandbox umbrella and used it to shield my mondo prego belly.  Then I grabbed the sandbox lid, which sort of resembles a shield, and used it to shield my mondo prego butt.  Then, I waited til some voices right out in front of my house disappeared, squeezed the umbrella and the shield/cover as close together as I could get them, and inched my way out of the fence, commanding my dog to stay where she was while I tried to be as discreet as possible (as if!) while punching in the code to open my garage.

Now, M and I have gone round and round about whether to leave the garage entry door locked or unlocked.  I say unlocked, because the closed garage door is already a major deterrent and most times my arms are full and just because.  He says locked, because, well "just in case". 

Well, this morning, it was locked "just in case".  No spare key.  My kid followed me and I shut the garage door while I tried to figure out my next step.  I looked at the life vests in the corner and contemplated whether all 3 of them would cover enough to be decent.  I quickly decided they would not.

Thankfully, my car was not locked "just in case" and I was able to scrounge through the trunk and find a pair of old gray sweats and an Old Navy shirt dating back from Y2K.  (There is a God and He loves me!)

I went and closed the gate, where my dog obeyed the invisible line and stayed just where I left her.  (Sometimes I really love her!)  Then, C and I commenced knocking on neighbors' doors.  Charlotte across the street came out to water her plants and I asked her if it would be too much trouble to borrow her phone.

I called M, who called his Dad (spare key!) and the rest is Manic Monday history. 

It's only 10 in the morning and I'm ready to go back to bed!

[Title quote is from "The Birdcage"]

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