Sunday, May 12, 2013

"The few syllables you got out were absolutely devastating."

Once upon a time, I was able to write missives (missives, I tell you!) about Very Important Things.  You know, like Mother's Day and stuff...

These days, I can't even put a sentence together.  Or if I AM able to, it's usually heavily-laden and dripping with Mommy and aimed at my children.

So, bear with me while I get a few devastating syllables out.

I've spend the better part of this month of May so far thinking about mothering and motherhood and all the trappings. 

Today, while rocking my baby to sleep, I started thinking about the concept I had of a mother's love when I was younger.  I think as a child, I believed my mom's love for her four children was a shared love, and that an equal portion of that love was reserved just for me.  As I grew into adulthood, I knew my mom's love was a perfect love bound and shaped and constrained inside an imperfect being (as we all are).  But, I suppose until today, I still believed my childish concept that her love was a sum of that grand mother-love portioned equally amongst her children.

Today, in my 3rd year as a mother and my first as a mother of two, it hit me: That's not how a mother's love works at all!  My love for my children is not 100% divided by two.  It is 100% for C and who he is AND it's also 100% for A and who he is.  One Hundred Percent for each and every child. 

There it is.  Not earth shattering.  Not new.  But new to me and I am grateful for it. 

P.S. I've been reading some posts over at The Orange Rhino about how sometimes we feel inadequate compared to others, or that we aren't good enough, but we keep on trying to become the mom we want to be.  You know, if you want something slightly more meaty to read.

[Title quote is from "Music & Lyrics"]

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