"Sometimes I think I live in a different world."

In the course of the last month or so, I’ve had the strangest dreams.

Exhibit A: Russian Roulette

I dreamed that we were in Russia and that we took a tour bus from the airport. It was cold, slushy and snowy. The tour bus made us give up our heavy coats, and dropped us in the middle of nowhere, so we had to run around and find new coats. While we were in the strangest mall I’ve ever seen, we found a girl in some back-alleyish hallway and we hired her to show us around.

Exhibit B: Big Nose

I dreamed my nose was bothering me. I reached up my left nostril and pulled out this long, hard, thin piece of dark brown plastic. I was able to break it apart into little pieces even though it was solid. Pretty soon, my right nostril started bothering me. I reached up it and found this stem-feeling thing and pulled. Out came a huge electronic piece of hardware, shaped much like a small printer cartridge. I smashed it with my foot.

Exhibit C: Ad hoc Haircut

In real life, I’d been thinking I need to get my hair trimmed. In dream life, I was out with my mom and sisters and my mom suddenly pulled scissors from her purse, told me to hold still and began cutting the bottom of my hair, straight across. I kept moving, trying to see what on earth she was doing. I woke up before I could see how it turned out.

Exhibit D: Kayak Highway

I dreamed that we (me and some unidentified other) were sitting on a stretch of Phoenix highway near an interchange, circa 1985. Underneath this highway was water. In fact, aqueducts were built into the center of the highway to funnel the water. We were sitting in kayaks, and scooting ourselves forward on the highway so that we could drop into the water. Again, I woke up before the fun started.

Exhibit E: Lost Love

I dreamed I was lip locking and warm embracing with none other than Sawyer from LOST. Not the Dharmafied, bad hair, mannered up ‘70s Sawyer – but the sassy, scraggly, shirtless 2k4 version. Juliet found out about us and he got banished from the island. Instead of taking me with him, though, he took some other chick. I helped her pack and she had more shoes than Mrs. Howell, Ginger, and MaryAnn combined (including thigh-high boots. . . ?). She kept giving me belongings she was leaving behind, including a collection of funky hats. I watched from a cliff as my Sawyer sailed off in a tin boat along the white sand shores of The Island.

[Title quote is from "Almost Famous"]