Friday, October 12, 2007

"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy."

I've had to allow myself some emotional distance from this one before writing it. It's been saved as a draft for almost 2 months now. That's how long ago I found out some news that made the green-eyed monster in me surface (and, yes, it's just a coincidence that I do, in fact, have green eyes). It was so bad at the time that I called the ONLY person I knew would understand - both because she knows my history with this person and because she was one of the first people I told about my pregnancy when I knew it was going bad: my sister.

See, we have this cousin. Maybe you have one like her. Maybe you are that cousin to someone else. She had everything. Her parents had money, she took tap lessons, dance lessons, had her own room, and had looks and a cool name to boot. In our teen years, I also noticed that she had a pretty stable home life, she got a car when she was 16. . . you get the picture.

Even as adults, she graduated college before me even though she's a year younger. She also bought a house before me, got her master's degree before me - the only thing I bettered her on was getting married first and, believe me, I take my victories where I can get them.

With my estrangement from my dad came the estrangement from his family, too. And then suddenly, we ran into her and her hubby at Chili's at the end of July. Small talk, small talk... chat chat chat, seating buzzer goes off. (Saved by the buzzer!) "Oh, catch us before you leave and we'll get your numbers." Blah blah blah. We half-heartedly looked for them before we left, and ultimately determined that they ditched us.

Two weeks later, my mom calls me at work and does the whole "Guess who's pregnant" dance, to which I respond, as monotone as I can manage, "just tell (i.e. kill) me!" Yup - it's the cousin! She's due in April! Isn't that cute/great/sweet/fabulous?!?

So, I then quickly proceeded into this jealous funk. I mean it was so bad, I couldn't concentrate, which is a little necessary when you're at work. I called my sister, explained how she's the ONLY one who will understand. And, in her wonderful way, she totally got it - with everything I've been through - both this year and with this cousin - she got it, and she took my side and told me I'm not a totally irrational human being.

Like I said, I've now had some time to get over it. And for the most part, I am over it. But, the other part of me hopes like heck I won't have to hear a single detail about it for the next 6-7 months. Then, somewhere inside my head I hear a snigger and a voice snorting out "fat chance!"

[Title quote is from My Best's Friend's Wedding]


Jen said...

I can totally feel your pain!

CaROlInE said...

Oh sweetie, you can go ahead and feel however you want whenever you want. . .it's hard when it feels like your whole world is falling apart. Everyone has those days/weeks/months. (Well, maybe not that cousin of yours.) Anyways, I hope you don't have to hear anything about it. BTW, did I ever tell you I love how you use movie quotes for titles? Love it.

The Scotts said...

Hola Woman!! I had a cousin like this all growing up but she I liked, it was her Mother who did all the comparing. Just think though that maybe her life isn't as great as it seems. Or maybe just hope it isn't, ha ha j/k. Good luck hearing about her the rest of your life!!

trina said...

i'm glad i was there for u. i didn't know how much that meant to you but i'm glad. and i do kinda hate her for it even if i did the whole fam thing first.

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