Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"Oh! Okay, maybe we could let someone who doesn’t have a giant baby in their belly give it a try."

I was recently accused of “being selfish” because I’m not taking belly pictures. I think my accusing friend confused my apathy for vanity. It’s not that I fear what I look like being recorded for all of history, it’s that I just don’t care enough to document it for scrapbooks, baby books and the like. Plus, it’s, like, hot out and I don’t tend to stay dressed in anything other than a nightgown after I get home from work.

Besides, I have better things to do.

Like think of a name for the as yet Unnamed Child.

Once upon a time, I saw polls on people’s blogs where they’d put their 3 or 5 finalist names up and ask people to vote, presumably because they just couldn’t decide on their own. “How silly!” I thought at the time. “Just pick one!” Oh how naïve I was! I now see that such appeals were acts of utter desperation. “Help us! We can’t figure out what to name our child on our own and need the help of the masses on this one. ‘K Thanks.”

We’ve nearly reached that point of desperation. And here’s why: we’re really freakin’ picky. Oh, and because everyone in the world (and both our families) have taken up all the boy names in existence. For reals.

Here are a few of our criteria for The Name:

- Cannot be in the Top 100 most popular names. Prefer it not to be in the Top 1000 either.

- Has to go decently with our last name, meaning can’t have too much of a short “A” sound or too many “Ns” and can’t start with an “F” sound, and can’t be “too white” sounding against our Hispanic last name. (Is that reverse-racism? Whatever. I’m white, so I can say it.)

- Cannot be easily shortened for a nickname – in English or Spanish.

- Should be able to be pronounced without explanation or hand-holding. I don’t want this kid to spend the rest of this life explaining his name. (We already do that enough with our last name. “With an F as in ‘Frank’!”)

- Has to be masculine.

- In addition to not starting with an “F”, M doesn’t like names that start with “K”. And he kind of doesn’t like names that start with “A”.

- Cannot be M Jr. or M the 2nd or any such thing. M is the only one allowed in our house with his name (says me). And both grandpas’ names have already been used. And most family names are automatically disqualified because they fall outside the criteria. . .

I’m sure there are more, but I can’t think of them right now. Intimidated? See where we're having a little trouble? Want to help? Just think, you’d get eternal credit for coming up with The Name of our firstborn child! Good luck with that! (Just don’t be all “It'd really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, if you'd name him after my father – JimminyBillyBob.” {Friends}).

Trivia for the day: Which actress said both of the lines quoted in this post?
[Title quote is from "The House Bunny"]


Michelle said...

LOL! I was just thinking today that i haven't heard from you (through blog)! I did take notes on the criteria for this baby...I'm gonna be thinking about it! When are you due?? I miss not seeing you!

Trina said...

ok been thinkin bout names alot lately... holden, diego, sebastian, edmond, edgar, jacob, callum. hope it helps, i'll keep looking. it's hard to not really know what type ur lookin for and still keep to ur rules!

The Sartori's said...

so we are weird and we pick sports names and everybody hates our children's names.
So what, they are my kids.

My son is named Boston Striker
We like and plan to use for any future boys
Raider Greyson
Catcher Easton
Laker Rushton
I also love Pierce and Cooper and I know the cutest little boy names Ransom.
And as for belly shots, every one got on my case as well, and I still didn't take one. It isn't selfish.
Good luck

Nichole said...

M: I'm due Nov 5th.

T: Sorry, but M hates Diego. Sebastian is a family name, but I have issues with it. The next 3 can be shortened too easily, and Callum is too close to my first boyfriend's last name. (I'm beginning to think I'm seriously disturbed.)

B: Greyson is my nephew's name and I've always liked it. We've considered one of your sports names, but because I'm so strange, I can't tell you which. I also like Pierce and Cooper but it'd be a hard sell to hubby.

Nichole said...

Oh, and P.S. to T: I wish I could tell you more what we're looking for, but I don't know and I know it doesn't help to say "we'll know when we find it."

Miranda said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Angela said...

well I know of one name I've never heard anyone else have and it is in the bible I'm told I think he was Ruth's son , your dad's middle name Mahlon, and even though James has been taken by alot of family members no one is named Leon. But I already have my name picked out for this boy he will be #10 so I'll call him Diaz. and by the way I havnen't seen your belly in like months,so I would apperciaate a picture. love you.

Danielle said...

Oh wow! Good luck. Your "requirements" make me laugh, because we all do that whether we realize it or not. I'd love to help you out, but naming my own kids is hard enough. :) But like you said, when you find it, you'll know.

Danielle said...

However, if you take too long "finding" it, there can be consequences. Two of my brothers have birth certificates that say "No Name." True story. :)

Danielle said...

Just because I'm hoping there's a chance I could go down in history as the person who suggested your baby's name, here's my list. One of these may or may not be on my "short list" of baby names, should we ever have another boy. But I won't say which.


P.S. Your rules are kinda hard. :)

Jen said...

i don't even know if i want to play the "pick your baby's name" game.
Your rules are hard! whatever he will be cute and fun and fabulous! and I am so one of the people saying you need belly shots!!
I wish i had better pictures to go back and compare to(which you could so understand since you like to analyze things) Plus the kids LOVE to see the pictures.
But i don't know that i would go w/ selfish. I mean if you were like "there is no way i am taking a picture!!" then maybe but if it is more of a "i never find myself in front of the camera" type of thing then that is okay. But it is still fun to have a few shots!
We need to get together soon!
I guess i will see you in a couple weeks though.

Nichole said...

Miranda's Comment (edited to delete my last name):

Don't worry- you're not crazy! I did the exact same thing and finally (after it changed about 7 times) just told Matt to pick a damn name. Some names I kind of like: Trey (was supposed to be Matthew's name), Drake, Hudson, Devin, Garret, Becker, Dresden...oh, how about Rafaele? Not to get all TMNT, but Rafaele sounds cute. Wait, doesn't M have a brother named Rafaele? If so, then nevermind. Not sure if any of these meet ALL of your criteria, but you can search unusual names at

Jonathan and Katherine Earl said...

Isaiah, Boris, Ezekiel (These were Jonathan's suggestions)...names are hard. Jonathan just suggested Cruz (gender neutral); it sounds cool and can't be shortened. I like Garrett (it was on my list, but we chose Carson).

hayngrl101 said...

I love hispanic names. Among my faves:

Celestino (is that spanish or italian)
Jordi (not the correct spelling, but pronounced like Zhor-dee)

oh yeah, also like David with the spanish pronunciation Dah-veed. Thats kinda cool, too.

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