Wednesday, June 9, 2010

"All right, nobody look til I get my cork back in."

Thoughts. I have lots of them. Buckle up. Here we gooooo. . . . .

On Alice: I’m such a language snob. I’ve been known to scream “that’s not even a WORD!” at TV news anchors who use made-up words or words in the wrong context. (They never hear me.) (Which is why I no longer watch the news.) I recently watched Alice in Wonderland (ahhh. . . .Tim Burton/Johnny Depp, is there a film you touch that doesn’t turn to gold?) and realized how much I forgot that the story first had its roots knee deep in lovely, sloshy literature. (Ever swam inside a good story?) (Well have you?) I’m such a fan of Carroll’s Jabberwocky it isn’t even funny. (Once upon a time, I even made an off-hand reference to it here.) So, this love makes me the biggest hypocrite ever. For what is Jabberwocky if not made up words? But, oh!, the wonderment of slithy toves and frabjous day and galumphing. . . Makes me want to go off and re-read Through the Looking-Glass and other such wonders. . . or, you know, go and live in Underland.

On Class of 2010 graduates: If ever I wondered whether it is possible to raise a respectful, down to earth kid in these crazy times we live in, I found my answer at my cousin’s grad party. For being an 18 year old graduate, he sure is a really nice person to be around. Do you think some kids are just born that way – that no matter what circumstances they’re thrown, they’ll come through and end up a centered, decent individual all the same? Either way, my hope for future generations is renewed in Dyl. Here’s hoping his peers are more like him than not.

On being a working mother: Working at this stage of my life (and my son’s, for that matter) means a couple of things. First, it means my husband is able to work part-time and finish his graduate studies that much sooner, which means it’s a necessary evil. Second, it means our baby gets to go and interact with his grandparents three days a week. This means he’s having an experience completely separate from and unique from my own. It also means he’s enriched by being with two people who love him very very much. Third, it means every Monday I miss him like mad and that I work long days (until well after 6 most days) so I can take the occasional extra day off to be with him. This means I have precisely 2 hours to get home, make dinner, and spend a few minutes with hub before bathing the baby and putting him to bed. It means I’m more than usually worn out. It means I daydream about being able to stay home with him, at least part-time, in the (hopefully not too distant) future. Basically, it’s a means to an end. And usually, most days, I do not feel guilty because it is so necessary right now. But occasionally, it also means I’m less available for pursuits that my SAHM mommy-friends seem to accomplish with ease, which is really the only time I feel anything bordering on "working mommy guilt".

On language: I may be a language snob, but apparently, I’m not a purist. As discussed above, I like exceptions to the rule. For instance, I LOVE double entendres. Love them. (More the ironic kind than risqué or inappropriate kinds, but still.)

On summer: My gauge is broken. I used to think summer in Arizona meant “80s in the 8 o’clock hour; 90s in the 9 o’clock hour; 100s in the 10 o’clock hour”. It’s the gauge I lived by when I was running. Yesterday morning it was 91 degrees at 8:15. See? Gauge broken! BUT! Last year, when my belly was burgeoning with baby, I vowed I would not complain about the heat. (Turns out, I was pretty strong while pregnant.) (And kind of a bad-ass.) (Hey. If the president of the United States can say the “A” word, I can too!) (Plus, it’s in the Bible. If it’s in the Bible, it’s not a swear word.) (Is that the guideline the FCC uses for TV? I’ve never figured that one out.) Anywho, back on topic. . . When it was 91 degrees at 8:15 yesterday morning, I thought about my summer 2009 vow and thought “if I can be pregnant and not complain about the heat, surely I can be un-pregnant and not complain about the heat!” I am certainly going to try. Even when it’s in the 90s in the 8 o’clock hour. (Wish me luck!) (My secret for coping? wearing shorts to work.) (Seriously, a nice pair of "slack-y" type shorts with some nice wedges. . . works every time.) (It's like people don't even know I'm wearing shorts.) (kind of like how they don't know about my secret superhero identity. . .)

On stress: I don’t do it. Or, more accurately, I try not to. I’ve learned to say “no” to things that stress me out. Especially last minute things. Or things I can’t control. And high maintenance type of things. And, sometimes, high maintenance type of people. When I take those things out of the equation, it makes my blood pressure go up less. Still, sometimes, it’s hard to watch someone else try to do it all and not think “I can/should/want to be doing that!” and be tempted into adding more things to my plate, a true case of eyes being bigger than one’s stomach, if ever I saw one. So, I sit back, think on it awhile and realize that that’s them, and I’m me. Sure, there are things I’ve left undone in my life. And when I’m tempted to get really hard on myself and beat myself up for “never finishing anything” I realize that, first, that’s not a true statement and second, in the instances it is true, it’s largely because I know my own limits. The philosophy I’ve carved out for myself is that goals are like cairns to help me on my path, but the direction I go is entirely of my own making, and there has to be time for the occasional picnic lunch and changes in direction along my way. Ultimately, it’s the destination that is important – not necessarily how I get there.

On motherhood: Click on over to Smothered. Because if this all wasn't enough (!) (??), I'll soon post lots of thoughts I have on this mother-gig, too.

[Title quote is from "Toy Story 2"]

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