Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"Find a happy place! Find a happy place! Find a happy place!"

There are times in life when you kind of get lost in the day to day to day. Oh, and all the back pain and sick babies and lack of sleeping and just Life, you know?

And then, as it happens, one Sunday night you may be bathing said sickly baby and when you scoop him out of the tub, all his bathtime alphabet letters that you use to spell funny words on the sides of the tub will scurry toward the drain. When you go in to wring out his washcloth, you will see "S-A-P".

Later, after talking with your husband about how it feels like there are obstacles at every possible turn in the road lately, when you are exhausted and pondering over how and why it is that Life seems so particularly challenging, you will see "A-S-K". And in your mind comes a quiet voice reminding you "ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you".

And so it is that you wind up kneeling on the seat of your recliner, sobbing your poor heart out to your Maker, trying to make sense of it all.

Then, you go to bed and hear the steady breathing of your husband. Steady breathing to match the steadiness of the man. And you will feel grateful. And then, possibly - I am just saying it can happen - the next day you might be thinking about the toys littering the floor and the dishes in the sink and the bottles to be washed and you might query what, exactly, is the number one thing you should be doing right now, and the surprising answer from out of somewhere is "my husband".

But, really it turns out that sickly babies are much like infant ones in that no one in the house sleeps very well. And lack of sleep is how even the steadiest of men get their logic dial all in a knot and start to make sort of stupidly emotional reactionary decisions.

And that, along with a nonsensically painful back (and possibly psycho hormones?) is how you, as that steady man's wife, end up having more sobbing prayers, only this time in the shower and on the porcelain throne in the midst of trying to get ready for work.

You will look in the mirror after all that crying and your bloodshot eyes will shout at you, making you wonder if there is any hope left in the world and whether makeup will even help today.

But the funniest thing about Life is that with enough faith (and texts reassuring your friend - and maybe yourself - that it will be OK, that it won't last forever, that it's nothing a little sleep and family time can't cure), the sun will begin to shine in your heart once again, so that by the end of the day you suddenly realize "wow! the day got better! things are looking up a little bit!"

And then, once again, you will know and understand that sometimes just believing and hoping that better is possible will make it so. And thus it is that faith precedes the miracle.

I am pretty sure we are still meandering through those dark woods, but up above, there is sunlight.

[Title quote is from "Finding Nemo"]

1 comment:

The Author said...

Well Crap Nichole. I just wrote a big novel about how everyone just keeps telling me to be happy and and I asked how I am supposed to just be happy when all I'm doing is crying and hurting. My post was about how everyone sucks for telling me to buck up and get over it and that I get to feel bad when bad things happen. Your post is much more postive.

And I'm bawling my eyes out. I seem to have lost all faith. THere will be no miracle when there is no faith left. So forget how do I be happy, how do I find my faith again? Right now the future just seems bleak and lonely.

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